Hugs! We all need them!
Family therapist, Virginia Satir, has said,
“We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
So how do I teach the master hugger of all time, to limit her “hug-giving” skills at school?
Bethany is used to giving and recieving TONS of hugs! We should all be Thriving with a capital T. But as she’s gotten older, I’ve noticed her peers aren’t as comfortable with her hugs as her family and church family. Here’s a snippet of our conversation the other day after I observed her hugging a school mate that seemed a bit put off by her extreme friendliness.
“Bethie, you know how much I love your hugs?”
“Well, I was thinking that now that you’re getting older, you need to stop giving hugs to everyone at school.”
“Why? Everybody loves hugs.”
“Ummm, well, hugs are more for families and close friends.”
“No, hugs are for all!”
“Yes, but I don’t think you should run up to everyone at school and give them hugs. It makes some kids uncomfortable.”
“Not Mrs. Turvey. Not Miss Hoye. Not Mrs. Nobo. They all like hugs. Hugs are good.”
“I know, but some kids don’t like hugs.”
“Yes, they do! Everybody loves hugs! Hugs are good!”
Where in the world do I go with this????? I try once more-
“How about at school, we practice giving kids a high five or saying “have a great day.”
I could see the wheels turning as she processed the thought.
“OK-, but after high five, can I still hug?”
I’m going to keep working on appropriate social demonstration of affection, but part of me wishes everyone was open and loving and hugs could be distributed freely and frequently. As for the rest of us- let’s grow the opposite way and increase how many hugs we hand out each day. Find someone who needs a hug and give them a big squeeze. Remember- a hug is a circle of love to treasure and transform.
WHY GOD MADE HUGS by Jim Wolf
Everyone was meant to share God’s all-abiding love and care. He saw that we would need to know a way to let these feelings show.
So God made hugs – a special sign, and symbol of His love divine, a circle of our open arms to hold in love and keep out harm.
One simple hug can do its part to warm and cheer an others heart. A hug’s a bit of heaven above that signifies His perfect love.
credit given to author -Jim Wolf