It’s hard to relinquish control.
I hate to lose and I would rather fight til I drop than surrender.
In some ways that’s a good thing. I need to have that “fighting” spirit to get through life. But that very same character trait of fighting perseverance has the negative flip side of stubborn control.
Yielding to His will is not always easy.
Fear and lack of understanding the character of God have been huge road blocks in my life to accepting and yielding to His goodness.
After we “lost” (although you can’t really lose something when you know where to find it) our two-year old daughter Kristin, I imploded spiritually. Total fear gripped me. I had always loved God and sang songs like “I Surrender All” but to be faced with the reality of surrendering all? I suddenly found myself not trusting this “God” who would “take” a two year old to heaven.
I couldn’t read my Bible (every scripture I had underlined about faith and healing seemed to mock me). I couldn’t pray- For a year I had prayed almost continually with my one desire- God please heal my little girl. All I could do was go through the motions and not walk away from my childhood faith.
But I didn’t surrender. His Spirit didn’t let me.
After fighting the current of His love and compassion, swimming upstream trying to stay out of His “flow” for my life, I finally wearied. As Chris Thomlin’s new song says- I raise my white flag- I surrender!
I said, “OK God- I don’t understand you at all- but I know I love you and you love me.
I can’t live without your presence anymore. I need you.
Help me not be afraid of the future.
Help me not be afraid of what you’re going to “take” away from me next.
Help me feel again.
Help me trust you again.
Help me open up my life to you again- no matter what may come.”
And just like that, I felt myself being swept over the falls! Surrendering totally to the power and majesty and goodness of God in my life.
Was it scary? Beyond words!
I feel like it was one huge waterfall with a year of small waterfalls of surrender. Every time I got to “calmer waters” something would happen that would make me afraid or paralyzed again. I would have to get to the point all over- relinquish control (and recognize I really don’t have control anyway) and then blessed surrender to the Lord.
At first, I was just surrendering to G O D- Sovereign King and Ancient of Days.
Then as He revealed more and more of His goodness and love, I realized I was surrendering to my HEAVENLY FATHER. The years have passed and He has faithfully poured out His love and mercy in so many ways, I am learning to swim toward the falls now. 🙂 I am learning the best place to be is surrendered: to the mighty, perfect plans He has for me, plans for my future.
The premier lesson I learned was not to limit God’s plans for my “earthly” future.
You’ve heard it said, “It ain’t over til the fat lady sings?” Well the truth of the matter is- It isn’t over until He throws our last enemy, death, into hell and wipes away every tear.
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth… And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or morning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the thronsaid. :I am making everything new!: The He said, Write this down, FOR THESE WORDS ARE TRUSTWORTHY AND TRUE!” (Rev. 21:1,3-5)
Surprising Treasure: When God says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for good and not for disaster, for a future and a hope.”
I love reading, home schooling, encouraging others, playing the piano, worshiping, dating my husband, and planning parties and retreats for our clan.
Someday, I really, really want a horse and learn to play the cello and viola.